tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
