So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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