Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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