i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
