...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize