When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
