the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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