im having a threesome with these popsicles
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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