there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
