Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
