Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
