He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
