So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just found a bag of teeth...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Vodka?
Forever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize