god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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