the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
