yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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