Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
