I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
did i walk over a car last night?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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