Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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