Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
