I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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