he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
