That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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