Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
