After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
