I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
