I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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