totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
