Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
