in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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