too bad you live with your parents still
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
