you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
