i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
