She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
