Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
