What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
