I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
