i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
