The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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