Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize