There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
