Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
