also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
