Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
