the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize