Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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