Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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