So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
