you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
