I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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