Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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