Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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