for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize