I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
