i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
