i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't deserve a penis
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
