In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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