you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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