oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
