Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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