i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
