Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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