Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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