Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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