this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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