yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
