Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
