when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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