There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
