I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
