"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
